If you are tired, listen up! You can say "I'm so busy" "I've got so many people that need me" "These things are so important to do" "It's for the children" and On and On and ON. But if you are doing all of these things out of obligation, codependency or people pleasing, it is going to run you out of energy much faster. That's because when we do something out of love and passion, not from obligation or desperation or appearance, the energy just won't sustain you as long. (I'm not saying there is not love present, so let's not get sidetracked on that part of it.)
Are you doing what you can to build up your energy? Contemplate what helps you feel energized, and write that list down! Be sure you have sections of things that are free and quick to do (such as drinking water or taking a deep breath), things that might take some planning and are also free, and then things that take planning and some $$$. Most self care happens in small moments, in everyday situations, and right between our ears within our own thoughts.
Contemplate what you mental load is. Right it down so you can really notice and affirm it's heft. What are you expected to mentally keep track of, and how much of that is even yours?
Prioritize the things you need to do. Maybe you can't do everything today, this week, this month, this year. That's ok. If you can't do it, let it go....or delegate it!
Delegating is an underused option. Codependent person's rarely want to give away a task or a relational expectation. But once you've looked at your mental load and had a good cry, I'm sure you'll see that something needs to be delegated. To the kids, a partner, a coworker, asking a friend or hiring someone to do it (if that is an option for you). Remember that you could trade delegation with a friend. Maybe they can do something in their sleep that takes you 3 hours and a crying fit, and you also have a skill you can do in your sleep. TRADE THE TASKS and you each save yourself depleted energy and damn crying fit that takes 3 days to recover from. I know, that was kinda dramatic, but you get my point.
Let me know what you realized from the writing you did!
We're celebrating today because this podcast has hit 20,000 downloads! To celebrate, I'm having you write me old school letters and mailing them in to me. I'm calling it The Connection Project--so fun! I'm going to read them on-air, so if you DON'T want yours read, or DON'T want me to say your first name, please clearly tell me so I can respect your wishes. Thank you!
Please mail your good ol' school letters to:
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Activate: Personal Empowerment through Shedding Codependency
A 1 day Virtual Retreat for women seeking to connect with themselves
Happening April 23, a Saturday, from 9am Pacific to 4:30pm Pacific
There will be experiences to invoke connection to self, grounding, trust. There will be learning to lean into your voice and reducing codependency traits and behaviors. You will leave with practical tools to use to help you in daily experiences you face all the time--and worksheets to help it stick!
The event is $277 for early bird registration.
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