There are always reasons to hold back and not set the boundary yet. Maybe the situation will improve all on its own, right? In codependency, that is not likely the case. You do need to take action, but might not be ready to set the boundaries yet. Here are some reasons I've seen time and time again in my clients for not moving forward:
- Fear of Resistance--There is great fear of getting a 'no' response, retaliation, backlash or a feeling that if the boundary doesn't work out, it's proof that there is something wrong with you, or that all this work wasn't worth it.
- Feelings of Guilt--For asking for more, for not being in service but instead of the position of taking. In families where adults done take ownership of their emotions, children can end up taking on feelings of guilt a parent should feel for their own behavior. This creates this sense of just being used to feeling guilty.
- Worthiness Issues--What if I don't deserve this good thing I want to ask for? What if someone doesn't do what I'm asking and I feel bad, which confirms my worst fear that I am, in fact, not worthy?
- Not realizing you Deserve to be treated Better, so you don't ask--If you haven't been treated well in life, you may not realize. But if you feel victimized, powerless, used or like you deserve for bad things to happen to you--then you probably are being treated badly and deserve more. Seek help from an agency, counselor or other helping institution to help you change your situation. You deserve so much better honey.
The good thing is, there is lots you can do to get yourself ready to set boundaries if you're not there yet!
- Practice setting boundaries with your pet, yourself or someone safe and non-threatening
- Strengthen your love for yourself and your feelings of worthiness
- Increase your understanding of what you need and WHY you need it
- What is your motivation for the boundary you'd like to set? What do you get after the boundary is set, respected and there is no push back? Imagine that, and it will give you motivation!
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